♔Bid you farewell goodbye.
Dec 30, 2011 | 12:00 AM | 0 hearts ♔
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First and foremost, I wanna thank you for spending your time reading this.
It's been a month now since.....we broke up. It's gonna be 2012 very soon. It's been a very overwhelming period time spent with you throughout. Yknow, I mean the r/s we had for almost 2 years. Known you for almost 5 years... I've always had in mind that, you came into my life for a reason. Be it for a season, a lifetime, but there's a reason which I'm not sure what. You know we've been through alot. I mean.. since I knew you. The 9 months r/s we had during lower sec, the separation then we contacted each other back.. And got together back. Please don't tell me you'll forget everything about us. Cause one thing for sure, you're the best I ever had. And for that, I'll never forget you. I'll never regret you. This, I promise you.
Look Amin, I just need you to read and ponder for everything I've got to say.... For this very last time.
You knew how much I love you. Please don't say you don't know. You saw it in my eyes. I was willing to do anything for you. Right from the start. You keep coming back and I've always given you chances after chances. Just name it, just tell me, how much more chances you want me to give it. I will. I will give it to you. But, why.... Why do you keep putting me down? I wished you knew I was sincere in everything I did for you, I was sincere in loving you all this while. I don't hope you to give me back anything in return. I just wanted you in my life. I wanted you to stay. I took every risk to fight for you. So keep in mind all the sacrifices I've made to keep you by my side and keep you from walking out the door...... At the start, it was my mum. True, she didn't like us patching up at first. But overtime, you've proved to her that you deserved another chance. Everything was doing good until shit happens. I guess, everything was just fated.
21 October 2011. I know it's all done and over. But till right now....... I'm still asking myself a question which I don't even have the answer to it. Why did you tweet 'I want a chinese plus malay gf. Can?' on Twitter. Was it for fun or was it that you just wanted to piss me off? What do you mean by you wanted to test my patience? Was it cause all this while you saw that I wasn't patient to you enough? I swear there was so many things running in my head. I felt challenged, my ego was all around me so I end up calling it off. Mixed feelings. Anger. Sad. Disappointed. I thought maybe I wasn't good enough for you all this while. But really.... It wasn't intentional. I had to do it at that right moment, cause I knew if I stayed, things will get uglier. You saw our love was fading. You knew I became more distant from you. And from that moment, I knew we were already on the verge. But why didn't you fight for me................?
It's okay, you don't owe me an explanation but I was very very disappointed, very hurt. I wanted to cry but I can't. It's like I'm all numb. Even till right now, I haven't cried. I don't know if I'm just tired of crying or I haven't feel your lost yet.. But one thing for sure, I am happy that I'm stronger than yesterday and I've accepted the fact that I've actually gone for good. And knowing you're happy without me, I'm happier that I've finally, let you go. If you were to ask me, if I still love you.... Well, I still do Amin.. For almost 2 years you've been the only guy I loved, I cared, I adored the most......... But the feeling, its not the same anymore today. If you were to asked me for patch, I would say no. Cause I think it's time for me to take a break from all the commitments. It's time for us to go on our own ways, for me to think about my own happiness. And I know we've broken up but it's just a break up right? I don't know why did you unfollowed me on twitter, deleted me off your FB. I mean.... I know I unfollowed you from Twitter. But that's because I don't have the guts to read your tweets and look at how fine you are w/o me.... Do you really really thought of erasing me out of your memory, your life? Is it true that all the good times we had don't mean a single thing to you anymore? So what we had back then wasn't real to you?
I know the hardest part of ending a relationship is starting one again. But I'm sure, you'll find someone better out there. Someone that will understand you, accept you for who you are and make you happy. I will always pray for your happiness. I wish nothing but the best for you, Amin. I regret that we ended in bad terms, I'm sorry. And I am sorry too for the times I hurt you. The times I wasn't there when you needed me and I'm sorry I couldn't make you happy. And I apologise cause our r/s fails again........................... And this time, it's for real.
I didn't choose to lose you in our r/s. But I had to let you go for your own good.. So for this upcoming 2012, I want us to start a new. Start a new as friends. Like how I treat Naqib, Praveen, Danish or any of my guyfriends.... Similarly, like how you and Sarah go together as friends... How you and Shane can joke around with each other. I don't have the strength to lose you as a friend. Really. I know it's not easy but the very least, treat me as your classmate. Let's try atleast? Cause I don't want us to be strangers.... What more an enemy to you.
Last but not least, I just want you to know, that a part of you will always be with me. Close with me. You're the best among my ex-s though its really heartbreaking to know that we've lost the love I loved the most. Well at least, I have a tangible memory of us that will stay with me for a very long time. And god wills it, if you were really meant to be my destiny, I'll see you again few years down the road when fate let us cross paths again. I wish all the best for you in your future endeavours. Yes, sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead. You've done the worst things to me but you're one of the best things that happened to me this year. It's been a tough journey but it was lovely. Happy New Year, Aminudin. You've been great. Don't forget me, I beg.
There's this place in me where your finger prints still rest. Your kisses still linger and your whispers softly echo. But sometimes you love something so much that it hurts to leave it, but you must. Sometimes it hurts too much to hold on to that thing you love, till you can no longer bear with it. And sometimes you let go of what you love because you knew its the best though it hurts. Thank you, Aminudin Aziz. I'll cherish those good times with you. ♥
Labels: For better or for worst.